|
Granny's Front Porch
By Susanna Holstein
MAY 2009 -
Split
Dogs and Skunk Funerals
My husband told me about a dog he had
when he was a boy. The dog had Beagle ears and body with
a Chihuahua head, legs and tail. It yapped like a
Chihuahua and had a nose like a Beagle. And it was fast.
One day his dog was running two
rabbits when it ran slap into a mowing scythe that
someone had left with the blade sticking straight up.
The dog was going so fast that the blade cut him clean
in two. But the dog didn't notice. One half took off
after one rabbit while the other half chased the other
rabbit. Took five minutes for the dog to realize it was
cut in two, then it just dropped over.
Larry grabbed up the two halves of
his dog, wrapped them in a flannel shirt and took it to
the house. He soaked the wrapped-up dog with turpentine.
Turpentine is said to be the best medicine you can get
for cuts, scrapes, burns, bug bites, snake bites,
chiggers, ticks, lice, croup, chest colds-you name it,
turpentine will cure it. Larry figured it ought to work
on his dog.
It worked all right. In three weeks
the dog was looking pretty pert so Larry unwrapped the
flannel shirt. The dog was healed up as good as new,
except for one little problem.
You see, when Larry wrapped up the
two halves of dog he was so excited that he got it wrong
way to. So the dog had two legs up and two legs down.
Turned out to be all right, because the dog could run
just as fast on two legs as he could on four, and when
he got tired, he just flipped over and ran along on
those other two legs. And according to Larry, his dog
could bark out of both ends.
His story reminded me of one in The
Memories and Writings of Harold David Somerville, Vol
II. Mr. Somerville was a rural carrier in Sandyville
during the 1930's and 40's, and his memories of his
years as a mail carrier fill two volumes. As I was
reading the part about mail delivery on Joe's Run,
(which is where I live) I came upon an unusual tale.
Some hunters were out late and heard a mournful sound
that frightened their dogs and made the men's hair stand
on end. Upon investigating, they saw a procession of
polecats (skunks); it was obviously a funeral procession
for the skunks were carrying one that was obviously a
corpse. The ceremony of burial is described, even to the
pole-bearers; according to Mr. Somerville, the men who
viewed the event said that from that day on their dogs
were no good for hunting polecats.
True stories? As true as the listener
believes them to be.
Tall tales, usually called lies in
West Virginia, are part of our storytelling heritage. I
wondered if the tradition of lying was dying out, but a
couple years ago I attended a farm auction where the
bidding was heavy on a wooden ironing board. A man near
me said, "You know, I once had a dog who was such a good
hunter that all I had to do was show him a skinning
board and he would bring me a coon or a possum just the
right size for the board." I knew immediately where he
was going-this was a tall tale I knew and often told
along with The Split Dog. I sat back and listened, glad
to know that the old stories are indeed alive and well,
and that people are still telling them.
Did I ever tell you about the fish
that Sherm Holstein caught? Why it was so big that it's
too big to include in this article, and will have to
wait for another time.
For some really big lies, don't miss
the Liars Contest at the Vandalia Festival in Charleston
on Memorial Day weekend. The tradition lives on with
tellers young and old at this annual event. For more
information visit www.wvculture.org or call
304-558-0220.

|