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DEAR
RONDA SUE
5/08 - Honk
Elsewhere &
Dear Ronda Sue,
It seems the little things that
bother us the most are the ones that happen to us the
most. Would you please address common courtesy for
someone who finds it necessary to blow their nose at the
table at a restaurant? I see this all the time, and when
it happens my enjoyment of the meal is gone. I want to
say something, but maybe reading it here will change
someone’s ideas about it.
Thank you,
Honk Elsewhere
Dear Honk Elsewhere,
With your letter we can address this
problem and maybe a few others. It is sad that some of
us were not taught our manners. To those of you who are
feeling a little guilty right now, get the message!
Please, just excuse yourself from the table and go to
the restroom or outside to blow your nose. Also to those
of you that find it necessary to burp, fart, scratch or
grab where you know you really shouldn't be in public,
(especially at a restaurant where others are trying to
enjoy a meal and probably paying good money to do it)
take my advice. It's not cool; Ronda Sue Rule.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
I am nine months pregnant, due in two
weeks and my mother-in-law wants to be here for the
birth. However, she and I are not really close yet she
is still close with my husband's ex-wife, who lives
right up the street. The past few times my husband's
mother has come to visit, she talked to his ex for hours
at a time on the phone in front of me, and even invited
his ex to my house to visit her while she was in town.
Its just drama I don't want to deal with right after my
baby is born. On the other hand, my husband and I would
like to share this experience with his mother. Should I
tell my mother-in-law how I feel or listen to my husband
and just see how the week of her visit rides out? This
should be one of the happiest times of our lives. I just
don't want our baby's homecoming to be ruined by drama.
Yet, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! What should
I do Ronda Sue?
Stressed Out Mom To Be
Dear Stressed Out Mom To Be,
Congratulations on the upcoming birth
of your new baby. I can understand why you are stressed
out by your mother-in-law. She should be there to
support you, not stress you out. So, don't let her.
Don't worry about it right now because you have enough
on your plate to worry about. You have, in two weeks, a
newborn. Maybe the experience of watching her grandchild
come in to the world will bring the two of you closer
together. Best wishes to you and your family.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
4/08 - Hopelessly
Helpless, Worried Wanda & Lost
Dear Ronda Sue,
My friend is in a relationship with someone she fights
with constantly. They say they love each other and seem
happy, when they’re not fighting. When they do fight
they seem to make up in two days, a lot of times within
24 hours. Do you think this is a healthy relationship?
Is there anything I can do to help them?
Sincerely,
Hopelessly Helpless
Dear Hopelessly Helpless,
Although continued stress is unhealthy, there is
probably nothing you can do to help these two. They must
like it, because they make up so quickly. You cannot
reason with the human heart. Different strokes for
different folks.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
I am deeply concerned about my dear friend Louise. She
hasn’t been eating properly lately and I am worried
about her health. We tried convincing her that 200
calories a day just won’t cut it, but she refuses. What
should I do?
Sincerely,
Worried Wanda in Weston
Dear Worried Wanda,
You are right to be concerned about your friend Louise.
She is practically starving herself! If Louise maintains
this diet for long, she will have physical problems.
Please try to convince your friend to eat healthier. She
really needs to seek advice from a professional about
her eating habits. She can stay thin by eating a healthy
diet and exercising daily.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
I have a neighbor who takes over everything I do. She
always has to have her way no matter what we do
together. I tried to throw a neighborhood party in my
back yard and somehow it ended up in her house next
door. How can I stop her from taking over my life? I
feel bad if I exclude her. Help me!
Signed, Lost...
Dear Lost,
It's easy to see why you are aggravated. Excluding her
might not be a bad idea, but letting her know how you
feel would be a better idea. We usually don't get what
we deserve, we get what we negotiate for. Speak up. The
two of you must be friends.Tell her how you feel. In her
defense, she may not even realize she's doing it. Life
is to short to waste it with being stressed out by
someone elses actions.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
3/08 - Tired of
Quick Food & Beck-And-Call Girl
Dear Ronda Sue,
My family is extremely busy. We are
always on the go! Thus, we are always eating fast food
and we never get the time to sit down and have a good,
old-fashioned meal. Not only does this take away from us
having a good relationship but this food cannot be
healthy for us. I don't want us to waste our lives on
fast food. Any suggestions on how we can manage our time
and have more family meals while still being involved in
our extra activities?
Tired of Quick Food
Dear Tired of Quick Food,
It's so easy to go through the fast
food drive-thru or order a pizza when have an extremely
busy schedule -- too easy. You know that you have to
provide dinner for your family, but you don't have time
to cook, so eating out is the answer. You are right. It
is not healthy at all.
I would suggest getting the trusty
crock pot out. You can start the meal in the morning,
slow cook it all day, and dinner will be ready when you
are. Crock pot cooking is easy, even children can help.
Try to plan a few meals ahead so that
your next evenings meal will be easy to put together.
Cook in bulk and freeze your left-overs. Not only will
you be eating healtier meals and spending quality time
together, you will also be really surprised how much
money you will save by preparing your meals at home.
Make time to sit down together and
have a good old fashioned meal, and try to skip the
drive -thru.
Eat healthy, Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
My husband and I have been married
for two years. He recently got laid off from work and he
is driving me crazy. We had a schedule. He would leave
for work at 6a.m. and get home at 7 p.m. Then, unwind,
get a shower, eat dinner, and retire to his recliner to
watch t.v. He was normally asleep by 11p.m.
Now that he is home things have
changed. I used to have a routine, so that I can keep
the housework and laundry done. I used to go to town on
certain days to do my banking and shopping. It seems
like now I have a 27 year old child instead of a
husband. He wants me to cater to him. I can't get
anything done but wait on him. Can you please give me
some advice?
Not A Beck and Call Girl
Dear Not A Beck and Call Girl,
You have got to stop waiting on him
like that right now or it will never end.
Get back on your routine, and then
stick to it. Trust me, I know.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
Ronda Sue offers real life advice to
real people. Send your questions to: Ronda Sue, P.O. Box
2, Millstone, WV 25261 or, rondasue@twolanelivin.com.
2/08 --
Step-Mom-To-Be & Mr. Nice Guy
Dear Ronda Sue,
I am a soon-to-be stepmother to four
children. I have one child of my own. My boyfriend job
takes him away from home during the week. He is only
home on weekends. He has visitation with his children
two weekends a month and during our vacation in the
summer.
It upsets me that his children don't
respect him. He works very hard to provide for all of us
and they do not listen to him. The visits with the kids
seem to be more stressful than fun for all of us. We
only ask that the kids respect what they have. In their
bedrooms they have cable t.v., play stations, games,
computers, etc. They are expected to keep their bedrooms
in order, but it always turns into a fight when they are
asked to pick up their mess. Then when their dad has to
yell at them, they say that he is always grouchy. What
should I do Ronda Sue?
Step-mom-to-be
Dear Step-mom-to-be,
You should tell the kids that their
dad would not be grouchy if they would listen to him.
You are going to be their stepmother soon. You should
let them know now how you feel about how they treat
their dad, how hard he works, and how sad that it makes
him that their visits turn in to a screaming match
because they won't listen. I'm sure that it's hard when
he only has them two weekends a month. I would have a
family meeting and tell them the house rules. After
that, if they can't abide by those rules, start
unplugging the t.v.'s, games and computers until they
understand. Good Luck!
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda
Sue,
A good friend of mine was down on her
luck, unemployed, so I helped her get a job where I
work. I thought I was doing a good thing by helping her
get a job, but it has turned into a
bad thing because she is a SLACKER!
She wants to have a paycheck, but she doesn't want to
work to get it. A few of my coworkers are complaining to
me because all she does is whine about working. It is
starting to bring everybody down and it reflects bad on
me. What should I do?
Mr. Nice Guy
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
I would tell the SLACKER to shape up.
Also, remind her that you did her a favor by helping
her get the job but, if she wants to
keep it, she needs to stop complaining and do her work.
Let her know that she is making you rethink your
decision to help her. Sometimes it just don't pay to be
the Nice Guy.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
1/08 Older Sister
and Tired and Tied Up
Dear Ronda Sue,
I'm worried that my sister is growing
up too fast. I understand that her generation has
changed from my own, but she is only twelve and has had
to go through things I have not experienced. She doesn't
play with toys or go outside like I used to. She is more
concerned with dating and dieting.
I don't want her to waste her
childhood or tire of the future. What are some things I
can do with her to make memories of a good childhood?
The Older Sister
Dear Older Sister,
Kids these days do seem to be more
mature than even I was at twelve. I blame it on
technology and the media. Why go outside if you can sit
in front of the computer and chat with friends, watch
television or talk on the phone? What was once forbidden
to preteens and teenagers is now the norm. Dieting at
twelve, when the body is still developing, should be
monitored very carefully. There is too much pressure,
especially on girls, not to be overweight. My advice
would be set a good example. Eat nutritious foods.
Encourage her by doing fun things together. Go for a
walk, talk, and most importantly, listen to her.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
My family is addicted to the
Internet. At first, we got it for school, but now it is
to the point where we are always connected. It isn't DSL
either. It is dial-up, so it ties up our phone line.
Yes, I use it occasionally for recreational purposes,
but others in my house are on for hours a day. This
makes me aggravated because I like to stay in contact
with old friends by using the phone. When these old
friends try calling me, they can't get through.
So, I feel the Internet is only a
burden now because it's causing friendships to drift
apart. We've tried using time limits, example: one hour
a day, but that did not work out, as people then argued
or lied.
Ronda Sue, what can my family do to
be happy with the convenience of the Internet and not
make it their whole life?
Tired and Tied Up
Dear Tired and Tied Up,
I would try suggesting that there
should be a certain time period each day that the
computer should be turned off. You can also suggest
getting a second phone line or finding a service online
that will disconnect when there is an incoming call,
such as Callwave. Good Luck! I know by experience
exactly how you feel.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
12/07 Fed Up
With Dad & Bah Humbug
Dear Ronda Sue,
Do you know somebody who is an
absolute slob? I do, and he is my Dad. I wish he would
respect the fact that my sister and I clean and cook for
him. Is there any hope that he ever will respect this?
Fed Up With Dad
Dear Fed Up With Dad,
First, I think it is great that you
and your sister help out with the housework and cooking.
A friend of mine had a similar
problem with roommates. She would clean up the house and
they would mess it up. So one day she got tired of it
and piled everything they had left for her to pick up on
the couch where they spent most of their time watching
t.v. They got the message. Since you still live with
Dad, my advice would be to send a similar message, just
don't get grounded.
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
My husband and I have been married
for five years. In the past, we went to my parents house
for Thanksgiving dinner and to his mother’s Christmas
day. This has turned into a tradition I would like to
change because of my mother-in-law. She insists that her
children and their families attend this dinner, but she
constantly complains about all the hard work she had to
do to clean her house and all the cooking she had to do.
I have offered to help her get prepared for company and
cook, but she insists on doing it all herself. I want to
make my husband happy and I know, as the youngest of
four boys, he really looks forward to seeing his
brothers. Two live in another state. He wants me to go
with him to his mothers, and I really want to be with
him, but I don't want to go there and hear her complain.
What should I do?
Bah Hum Bug
Dear Bah Hum Bug,
If it really makes you upset enough
to dread the Holidays because of her actions, then don't
put yourself in that position. Feel free to break the
tradition. But, if you still decide to go for your
husband’s sake, I would, every time she complains, offer
to make dinner for the family next year, and start
planning now to change the tradition in the future. That
might shut her up. If that doesn’t work, try a simple
thank you, she may just want appreciated. But still,
plan the changes for next year.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Ronda Sue regularly offers practical,
real life advice to real people in her profession - - as
a local barkeep and cook.
Send your questions to:
rondasue(at)twolanelivin.com, or, Ronda Sue, P.O. Box 2,
Millstone, WV 25261.
11/07 Trouble and
Tiny Dancer
Dear Ronda Sue,
I have a problem with friends. I go for the "underdogs"
that I feel like I can help. I try to help out everyone.
Sometimes I get myself into trouble. I get bad things
spread about me. I am nothing that has been said, but we
live in a small town. When one thing is said, it gets
changed around. I try to help everyone but things just
blow up in my face. Parents say I am a bad influence.
They really don't know me, but they just believe
everything they hear about me. So what? Maybe I have
dated bad people in my past. I don't know what to do.
Help me please.
Trouble
Dear Trouble,
It may be time to stop trying to help the "underdogs",
especially if it seems to only blow up in your face.
Have you ever heard that old saying "birds of a feather,
flock together"? Sadly, sometimes we are judged by the
company that we keep. We all make mistakes and hopefully
we learn by them.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
I have been married a little over a year but, we have
been together for three years. Our backgrounds are very
different. He is like my best friend instead of my true
love.After the life I have had, I'm just happy to have a
best friend. But he drinks everyday and I'm tired of it.
We have two children, sixteen and one is thirteen. They
are happy. So, I feel as if I have a really good family
atmosphere to raise these children in, except for his
drinking.
His excuse for drinking everyday is he works hard. Well,
when he’s not working, sometimes it's hard for me to not
drink with him, because it seems that is the only thing
we have in common. I quit going to college part-time
because we couldn't afford the gas. Well, we can sure
still afford beer. So what should I do, Ronda Sue?
Tiny Dancer
Dear Tiny Dancer,
Tell your husband how you feel about his excessive
drinking and the influence that it has on his two
teenage sons. The reality is, no matter how you feel and
how you would like him to behave, he will only change or
stop if he wants to. People only change if they want to
change. Consider doing something for yourself and go
back to college. Good Luck!
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
Ronda Sue regularly offers advice
to real people in her profession - as a local barkeep
and cook. She may not be a licensed therapist, but she
does have a license to serve alcohol.
Send your questions to: rondasue@twolanelivin.com, or,
Ronda Sue,
P.O. Box 2,
Millstone, WV 25261.
10/07 - Worried
Friend and Just Wondering
Dear Ronda Sue,
I'm really worried about my best friend. She is
extremely skinny. She is so tiny, it makes me cringe
when I look at her bony arms.
I can’t find a way to tell her she needs to change and
help herself. I don't want to hurt her feelings because
she is so proud she lost so much weight. She is a
beautiful girl and I really want to save that beauty
before nothing is left. All of our other friends really
want to help but we cant find the appropriate way.
A Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
Its nice that you are concerned about your friend’s
health and welfare.
When we watch a friend do things that will do harm to
their bodies, its seems so easy to know what they should
do to correct their lifestyle. It is like telling
someone they should not smoke, eat sugar or trans fats.
Showing them proof that these things will harm their
body will not change their minds.
All you could do to help your friend is try to set
examples of a good diet and nutrition and hope they will
get the message.
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
Fifteen years ago, I had an affair with an older man. I
became pregnant, but I never told him because he had
children, grown, my age. I had an abortion. I run into
that gentleman from time to time. I always speak, but I
never mention the past. I always wonder if he would want
to know? He is around 70 years old now. Should the past
stay there or should he know?
Just Wondering
Dear Just Wondering,
Why tell him now? Fifteen years ago, you made the
decision to do what you thought was for the best. I'm
sure it was the most difficult decision you have had to
make and one that you will never forget. I would leave
the past in the past.
Sincerely,
Ronda Sue
Send your questions to:
Ronda Sue,
P.O. Box 2,
Millstone, WV 25261.
9/07 - Fine Family and
2Quiet
Dear Ronda Sue,
My husband and I raised four children. In the early
years of all their marriages and having
babies, we had them for many family dinners and felt we
were very considerate of the other families at holiday
time. We even spent some of our Golden Years baby
sitting. Now we seldom see any of them and we don't seem
to mind. Is there something wrong with us or, with them?
PJ
Vincent, OH
Dear Patty,
I don't think that there is anything wrong with anyone
-- if you are comfortable with how things are. I would
just try to make the most of each visit since they are
few and far
between.
Ronda Sue
Dear Ronda Sue,
I am very shy around people that I don't know. They
probably think that I'm stuck up, but I'm not. I just
have a hard time talking to people. I think that it is
because I don't know what their reaction will be or if
they won't like me. How can I talk to others more easily
without worrying about what they will think of me?
Please help!
2Quiet
Dear 2Quiet,
The key to being a good conversationalist is to be a
good listener. You can learn a lot about a person by
listening to what they talk about. Starting up and
staying in a conversation is easier if you know what
their interests are and what they like to talk about. As
far as worrying about what others think of you, first
impressions are lasting ones. Get out there and talk to
someone 2Quiet!
Sincerely, Ronda Sue
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ABOUT THE
AUTHOR: |
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Ronda Sue
regularly offers advice to real
people in her profession - - as
a local barkeep and cook. She
may not be a licensed therapist,
but she does have a license to
serve alcohol.
Send your questions to:
,
or,
Dear Ronda Sue,
P.O. Box 2,
Millstone, WV 25261.
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