12/07 -- Snake in The Bathroom

The holidays are just around the corner and you're probably expecting something festive this month, but I wanted to finish introducing you to our new home - or more accurately - our very, very old home And, before you ask, this really is a true story.

If you remember from last month, my family's first night at the old farm house didn't go so well. Before we even made it inside, we were welcomed at the back door by one of the resident copperheads. It was enough to make our first night a memorable ordeal. I don't think my kids will forget it anytime soon.

What I didn't realize at that moment, however, was that this snake had lots of "friends and family." Matter of fact, we would meet many more within the first few days of our arrival. I happened onto two copperheads the next day while weedeating and Richard found the fattest snake I've ever seen underneath the well cover. And, those were just the outside ones.

While Richard was working on the house we found several more inside the walls. One even fell across my feet while I was holding a window that Richard was cutting out. Problem was, I had both my hands on the 5-foot window and couldn't let go when I saw the snake drop. I just shut my eyes and stopped breathing while Richard came running to rescue me. It seemed to take forever and I could feel the snake slithering across my shoes. I was praying it didn't have an interest in crawling inside my pant leg.

After that harrowing experience, I was beginning to wonder how many more could possibly surface in one weekend. Hadn't they heard us moving in?

The last straw came when my brother, Wess, and his wife, Amy, were helping us do a little carpentry work. I needed to use the bathroom (and there's only one badly installed toilet in the whole place) so I went inside and locked the door to do my business.

While I was sitting, I could hear the saw running outside. Richard and Wess were cutting away a rotten porch. I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. When I looked down to my left, I could see the tail section of a snake coming out from around the commode base.

"Surely not," I prayed. I'd had enough close encounters, but I now I had my pants down and it was literally just inches away. I was almost too afraid to look again. I knew if his tail was on one side, his head had to be on the other.

One wrong move and I'd be sporting some nice fang marks on my backside. I tried screaming, but the saw kept anyone from hearing me. By that time, terror had set in. I could feel my blood pressure climbing and I thought I was going to pass out.

After what seemed like forever, I saw him move. I guess the thought of seeing me with my pants down was just as terrifying for him. He started moving toward the sink cabinet, which was next to the locked door. My rear was safe for the meantime, but I was trapped. I hopped up and pulled my pants on in one majorly slick move.

There was a small window on the back wall and I didn't waste time getting over there. Richard finally happened to see me. I guess I looked rough because he dropped the saw and came running. Wess came too. I was almost passed out in the opposite corner. I just pointed to the floor hardly able to speak. I think I gasped something like "big, big snake."

They both looked down and saw nothing. The snake had disappeared. They asked if I'd had too much medicine that morning and quickly lost interest. I was really mad then. It was bad enough that I'd nearly had a heart attack, but they now thought I was hallucinating.

I wasn't giving up. I insisted that they tear out the sink cabinet to look for him. And, sure enough, he had curled up around the plumbing, probably in shock. Richard held him against the floor and Wess grabbed him and pulled him out. Turns out it was a black snake about 5 foot long. Wess carried him up the hollow and set him free in the woods (not the fate I had in mind).