April 2009 - Bonding With Your Teen

Thirteen and holding on. No, I don't mean that I am 13. I am trying to hold on to my sanity. My oldest just turned 13, and I am quickly discovering that at this age -- and for at least a few years to come -- my son has so much on his mind that the last thing he is thinking about is the basketball pictures in his locker that his mother has been waiting days to get her hands on. That, for me, sums up the situation that we are now in. He is developing his life and priorities beyond our family and I will have to adjust to some extent.

I hope most of us can remember 13. I can, and I don't recall being particularly level-headed or responsible. After all, I had each teacher and class, all my friends, sports, weekends and boys to think about. Just those things kept my mind pretty cluttered. Our teens have the same things to think about -- plus their class loads are heavier and more demanding, and the world today seems to expect them to grow up faster. If you are having some struggles with your teen, communication is the key (just like any worthy relationship).

Is your teen going to want to sit down daily and talk about everything that is going on in their life? Probably not, but the most important thing is to be certain they know you are available when they do want to talk. Hopefully, at this point, you have developed a sense of trust with your child and they know they can turn to you in times of crisis, joy or uncertainty. If you think that maybe you need to work on this aspect of your relationship, it is not too late.

Making 'one on one time' with your child is very helpful. If you can make this time include an activity that your teen enjoys, it will be more successful. This is not always an option with parents and families having multiple jobs and other obligations, so you can always make time to do a chore around the house together. Kids in general moan and complain about jobs, but if you work with them and make fun -- it can be a time of growing and sharing for both of you. Also, just a ride home from school or an activity can be a great time to share. If they don't want to, you share; maybe funny stories from your teen years or experiences that were hard, but helped you to understand something about life.

Are these simple suggestions on communication going to help smooth the teen years for all of us? Boy, don't I hope. But, realistically, it will take a lot of patience, for calm responses when we feel like screaming -- and prayer. Imagine how our Father must feel at some of the things we do and don't do. And He still loves us.