March 2009 - Unconditional Love

Is it possible to love your child too much? Absolutely not! But... there is a difference between unconditional love and blind devotion.

Unconditional love is loving regardless of what happens, what a child does, or what problems may arise. This type of love is important for children to understand: even if they make mistakes, their parents will still love them. This type of love does not mean that their parents will overlook and not respond to problems that arise in a child's life.

Blind devotion, however, is quite different and can raise a child who is so out of touch with the world of consequences to behavior that they can not function in that world as adults.

We all see our children as the smartest, handsomest, best at everything, because they are ours. But most of us can also stand back and see that our children need constant guidance in their academics, personal hygiene or whatever. And we help them. Some parents, though, have a hard time seeing past the perfect child to see the true child. All children make mistakes, behave badly at times, cause a ruckus, or get into some kind of trouble. It is at these times that we as parents have to look at the future for our children and react in a way that will benefit the child in the long run.

When a parent has a teacher who seems to have a particular problem with their child and no one else seems to, it is easy for the parent to say to themselves, maybe it is the teacher. Personality conflicts do occur and parents need to support their children in these situations by teaching them coping skills. Like I've told my boys, they will deal with people they may not get along with in college and the workplace so start learning how to deal with them now.

But, if your child is getting into trouble in multiple classes or by different teachers during lunch and recess, it is time to talk to those teachers and the administration to see what the problem is and to confront your child with these concerns. Waiting until your child is suspended for cussing at a teacher or being disrespectful to the principle is not helping your child.

I have used school situations since they are common to most of us, but this behavior can crop up in the family or in other situations your child may be in. If you are concerned, be logical. If this was not my kid, how would I feel, how would I react? If the answer is different than how you react to your child, rethink.

Unconditional love gives a child a safe environment to work through the pains of growing up, and part of that is having boundaries and knowing that they are responsible for their actions.

Blind devotion gives a child permission to do anything without consequences and leads to a very miserable adulthood. They have to go out into the world at some point, even if it is after you die. Don't you want them to be able to cope with what life has to dish out?

Lisa M. Sheldon is a wife, mother & author with 12 years experience in early childhood education and an RBA from WVU-P. She is also a columnist and advertising director for The Calhoun Chronicle.