July 2008 - The Terrific - and terrible - Twos

Whoever called them the terrible twos was right on the money. Who ever called them the terrific twos was right on the money also. Contradictory? Well, that is the year between the second and third birthday of all children.

I had not thought about these statements in many years until some dear friends of our had a toddler land in their lives recently. Watching this once timid toddler become an outgoing and outspoken three year old has been inspiring. And I discovered that those raising the two year old decide if it is terrible or terrific.

"At two kids have the language skills to begin to express themselves and the motor skills to carry out their own ideas," says Claire Lerner, coauthor of Bringing Up Baby. Our attitude decides if these become joy bringing changes or constant challenges.

At two your child can tell you what they’re thinking about, what they want and, as the year progresses, they talk more and more. Take advantage of this and listen. This newly found skill of theirs takes a lot of guess work out of our lives. Now we can have conversations with this amazing little person. These conversations can let us add new words the their vocabulary and help them learn to verbalize new concepts and feelings.

Twos can also move and they love it. Their little bodies and their brains are really working together by this point. Often they are as amazed as we are by what their ability to run, jump, roll, you name it. This is a great time to begin encouraging regular outside play. (And, you will need to be with them, which is not bad for you either.) They are also honing their fine motor skills by coloring, making their own sandwich or just putting water in the dog bowl. These daily activities and many more help twos with motor control and hand-eye coordination.

Making their own sandwich brings up on of the most common statements among twos, "I can do it." And yes, they can. Support their independence whenever possible. They may not be able to cut the grass, even though they say they can, but they can pick up sticks in the yard before you mow.

Making them feel an important part of daily family living gives them confidence and helps them understand everyone within the family is valuable and has responsibilities. Two want to be helpers. As they help they learn. For us this takes time, patience and can be messy from time to time, but it is definitely worth it.

One of the most joyous parts of the second year is that they discover their own imagination. Everything in their environment becomes something else as they play. A pot and a spoon become a marching band, a cardboard box becomes a castle, a stack of scrap wood becomes building material for...well, whatever they can imagine. They become lion tamers, cowboys and mermaids. This is not just a cute phase, Role playing allows twos to think on other levels and helps them learn problem solving skills that will benefit them the rest of their lives. This is the time when a pretend area needs to be established at home. A simple box or trunk with dress up clothes, shoes, hats, etc will make for hours of fun for everyone.

When it is all said and done, twos come down to the simple fact that this is the year when they realize they are their own person. They are a unique individual who can think and feel and do on their own. The clash between their "I can do" attitude and the basic fact of life that "no, you can't always do what you want" brings in the terrible moments. The key is giving them a safe environment to explore with reasonable, set boundaries, both physical and behavioral. They will thrive and you will survive, with new pride and bring joy to both of you.