July 2008 - Return of Snake Season

Well, for those of you who have been wondering - snake season around our house has officially arrived. I've been trying to avoid the subject for a few months, but we found the first intruder of the year in the house - or, kind of in the house - and he was a slunger.

If you've been following along the last little while, you know that we have been trying to live in the old farmhouse - safely. We refer to the place as the "Snake Pit" for good reason. Lots of big snakes like to hang out there. And, I've had more than my share of meeting the critters face to face.

Each time I go to town these days someone will undoubtedly throw their hand up in a wave and snicker a bit while they ask, "Have you seen any snakes yet?"

"Not yet," I reply, knowing full well my time is limited and it could be any day now. I was optimistic that we'd made a major dent in the snake population last year and they had given up and moved elsewhere - wrong!

Since the first warm day of the year, I've tiptoed throughout the place each day scanning every movement out of the corner of my eye and waiting for that first sighting - because I knew it would eventually happen.

It's no secret that snakes like this old farmhouse better than I do. They seem to resent the fact that someone else wants to live here, too, and do their best to scare the daylights out of me when I'm least prepared (like sitting on the commode).

It's taken a year or so for our daughter to feel comfortable enough that she would invite someone over to spend time with us. If the looks of the place weren't bad enough, the thought of a snake showing up during a friendly visit was enough to keep her social life up the holler to a minimum.

So, wouldn't you know, it was during one of her best friend's initial visits here that it happened. We'd all been at the county festival that day enjoying the festivities. Her friend and her parents came by to bring our daughter home and they all decided to stay for awhile.

We were all enjoying a relaxing time chatting and socializing on the porch when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye (bet you can tell where this is going). I realized it was a fairly large snake and part of it was dangling from underneath the overhang of the house - most of its body to the inside. I wasn't sure if it was coming out or going in.

I yelled for Richard (he sees all the action around this place because I'm too much of a weenie). He came running with a rake, and our guest's father in tow. Together they fished out a whopper of a black snake that measured close to six feet long.

The snake was amazingly plump and I wondered how it got so big. It's kind of like there's a Snake Mafia here or something - they only send the biggest, heftiest ones in the clan to put the fear of God into you, and don't ever waste their time sending in the little guy. Maybe the one that survived seeing me with my pants down a few months ago sent word to the oth

ers that this was an awfully scary place to be and only the biggest should come this way.

Anyway, the girls were fascinated by the whole affair, but deep down I knew our daughter was so embarrassed she wanted to crawl in a hole. She hasn't asked to have anyone over since. She was somewhat comforted by the fact that school was out for the year so none of her classmates would hear about it.

Our guests didn't seem to be fazed by the ordeal too much - they grew up in the country, too - but I have to think they were wondering about ever visiting again. I don't know if it was just coincidence that afterward everyone decided it was time to get up and drive back to town for supper.

Earlier in the day, I had teased the girls about a photo they brought home from the festival. To my amazement, they had paid $5 each to have their photo taken with a monstrous snake wrapped around their neck. I told them that they wasted their money because we could do the same thing out our house for free.

That's when it dawned on me. Maybe this snake thing could work to our advantage. Would our kids' friends think it's cool to get their photo taken with a big snake, even if it wasn't a bright yellow one like at the fair? Maybe we could set up a photo booth for everyone to use when they visit over the summer. By the end of the season I might just have enough money to buy next year's supply of mothballs, or better yet, one of those Snake Guns some of you have e-mailed me about.

Just as I was about to wrap up writing this column, my son came running into the house to inform me that Daddy killed a copperhead while cleaning in the backyard.

"Come look at it, Mommy," he said. "It's a really, really big one."

Yes, snake season has definitely arrived.

Hoping to simplify their lives, Kim Butler and her family recently returned to Calhoun County after 20 years near Charlotte, North Carolina. They spend their free time putting their old farm back together, keeping wildlife out of the old house and honing their country skills. They plan to build a log home soon. You can contact Kim at kimbutler@frontiernet.net.